I was talking to my Bishop last week, and we were talking about everything that I am trying to do in my life. My future goals, my goals for school, and really just life in general.
I have often felt that the reason I max myself out all the time is because that’s the only thing I know how to do. Because If I fail at one thing, I’ll still have 129847982749837423 other things I could possibly be good at.
I have made several Sacred Covenants at Baptism with my Father in Heaven, and part of that is preparing myself to enter one of his holy temples one day, with a worthy priesthood holder, to be sealed for time and all eternity.
If I was asked to give up all the dreams I am pursuing right now for a temple marriage, I would be in the car on the way to the temple. I want nothing more than to raise a righteous family. That is the dream. That is the goal.
I know that I have mentioned on several occasions that I am lonely, and I’ll admit I feel that way often, but I was turning to the wrong places to feel whole again. Because I know that I am never alone, and that my Heavenly Father loves me dearly, as do the rest of my family…
This past week I’ve made more of an effort to be involved with my single’s ward, I went to family night, institute, volleyball, and it made me feel less lonely, shocker. I know, you would think that I’m smart enough to figure out this problem.. but still, I felt better, and I met more people, and have since been called to be a visiting teacher, and there’s a calling in my future..
I have felt numb since May, and I just .. haven’t felt much of anything, including a desire to be myself and succeed at everything I want to do. And I blame myself for allowing Satan to come so close to me.. to be in my thoughts and actions, and it stops today. I refuse to feel so empty, because I am smart and talented.. and I know that you need to do good things to get good things.
and oneday, I will be walking out of the temple with my husband.
This is the Cardston, Alberta, Temple. It holds a very dear piece of my heart… but that’s another blog.