I didn’t expect this day to come without it being tied to a husband or a mission, something so much bigger than me. Jessica Nan McGuire.
On October 19th, 2013. I was blessed to be able to go through the temple.
I had been thinking about this decision for awhile, working really hard, and preparing in every way I knew how.
So I’ve been praying a lot about it. Like that good non-stop consuming prayer thinking about it. And tonight when I was driving to Smith’s I felt it. I felt that overwhelming yes it’s time. And I cried. Because look how far we’ve come. From that sad, confused girl in Denver to now. Where I want nothing more than the temple and I feel worthy of this next step.
And it’s big and scary.
Written next to the Eggs.
I know that I hold insecurity in the desire to find marriage. My big beautiful family, wants marriage for me, not because they think I’m incapable of taking care of myself, but because there is a certain happiness that comes from their marriages and families. Which is the best kind of happy, of course the people who love me the most want what’s best for me. and I want that happy too. With my whole heart I want that kind of love and happy.
I wouldn’t trade my experiences since I left home for anything. I have learned more about who I am, and who I want to be in the past four years than in my whole life. Which I know I needed in order to feel confident and happy in a marriage. (no, I’m not secretly dating someone.) It was really scary for me to tell my Bishop I felt ready to make this step forward. Although there is no rule, it’s pretty standard to go through the temple in conjunction with marriage or a mission.
But I trusted my heart, and ignored my insecurity. Because this. was. right.
and My Bishop and Stake President felt exactly the same way. How grateful I was for that affirmation. They knew, I knew. There are things that insecurity wants nothing more than to destroy. To beat down the door and stop you in your tracks.
but there are things that are bigger than insecurity, things that can’t be broken or destroyed.
this. this is one of those things.
and as I was standing all dressed in white feeling more beautiful and confident than I ever thought possible, with the two people who have seen me as that kind of beautiful my entire life.
Working towards this was truly the first time in my life I chose to know for myself what I believed in. It makes sense that my all too often distracted brain would have an opportunity to do this without any other events to distract. It made sense for me.
October 19th, 2013 was always supposed to be October 19th, 2013.
If you would like to know more about what happens in our temples click here