Online Dating and Vulnerability

It’s nuts that I met Scott online, and that it worked. I mean, he could have been a serial killer or a crusty Chester Molester type. Instead I got exactly what I wanted. I think online dating has a stigma, that you’re desperate or insecure if you’re online. And I will be the first to tell you it’s true ….sometimes. 
It might take a bad date, or getting your heart broken, or your best friend getting married. To have that moment of “well, why not me?” “Why can’t it be my turn?” 
**insert Ariel and the sea creatures breaking into song. “When’s it my tuuuuuurn?” 
So here’s the thing, if you’re going to be vulnerable and put it out there that this is who you are and that you’re looking for love, you’re in control. 
1. You don’t have to say yes to everyone that “flirts” with you. You get to be picky. 
2. Be honest with your profile. Do not Paul Blart beef up your profile.( unless you have a legit Segway dance routine to a lost 80’s hit)
3. Be safe. I took pepper spray on our first date and used Find my Friends so someone could track me in case I got in trouble. Doesn’t make you silly, it makes you smart.
4. Pick someone you wouldn’t think you’re compatible with. Scott and I have a lot of different interests, but that makes our relationship fun. We both have a lot to bring to the table. 
5. Trust yourself, froyo or cupcakes is an acceptable first date. If you aren’t convinced it feels right after 30 mins who’s to say you shouldn’t call it a night?
6. Do not write anyone if you’re upset or tired. No one likes the sleazy emotional girl. I take that back, a lot of people like that girl, but you don’t want to be that girl. 
7. Respond! Hey what’s up, doesn’t exactly start a conversation. Write a lot and write frequently.
I consider myself a 21st Century Kathleen Kelly. 
What is NY152 going to say today I wonder?
It doesn’t matter where you meet your love, as long as you meet them. Right?
This I know. 

…and then he kissed me

Remember how he didn’t kiss me on the first date?
Remember how he didn’t kiss me on the second date?
Remember how he didn’t kiss me on the third date?
Remember how he didn’t kiss me on the fourth date?
Remember how he didn’t kiss me on the fifth date?

We were at dinner with some friends and they were asking for the run down of our relationship and to be honest a lot of the details have run into each other because we’ve spent everyday together. This is the happiest I’ve been in my entire life.  So many amazing details. Butterflies, smiles, and details.

It was pretty simple, that whole first kiss thing. I admit I was getting impatient, emotionally we were both in deep. It kinda felt like he fell out of the sky and walked into my life being all sorts of perfect, (and I never want him to walk out. ) But we still hadn’t kissed.

but we had talked. We had talked about how his favorite Disney movie was Lion King as a kid, but now it’s Beauty and the Beast. We talked about how I drink V8 like my life depends on it. We talked about the time my head got stuck in a wet suit, and the time he tried to make “Scooter” happen as a nickname. We talked about his love for the Brecker Brothers and my love of gingerbread houses.

We talked about favorite hymns, and our families, and us. Long deep conversations about US.

So I admit it, I made a move.

Being the lady that I am, I was determined not to kiss him first, but I figured giving him a hint that I trusted him enough to kiss me would be okay.

(That was quite the set up wasn’t it?)

All I did was kiss his ear while we were watching Leverage.

and then he made me wait even longer.

The show finished and we decided to say goodnight, he kissed my cheek at the top of the stairs and hugged me goodbye.

Remember how he didn’t kiss me on the fifth date?

We have a really good habit of talking after the movie, so date/day 6 he had pulled me in close while we were talking and he was staring into my eyes with those piercing baby blue eyes of his and then in the same moment we both stopped talking, and he kissed me like he meant it.

and I never knew what that felt like.

I mean I thought I did, but no one ever waited that long to kiss me. No one waited to know me like he has before they kissed me. No one made the effort to chase me, and respect me, and value me like he did.

Kisses can tell you a lot of things, kisses from someone who knows your heart can tell you even more.

Falling for a gentleman has its perks.



I know what happened the past two months, but not really. We’ve been running on the feet glued to a high speed bus speed, for several long and gratifying months. Piemageddon happened, and then we launched into Christmas, my intern came, somehow this years gingerbread house came together for the hospital, my little brother came home, finished R&D on the bundt cakes, and somehow made it home in time to decorate the tree for Christmas Eve.

I got home and slept for two days. Best Christmas present ever, and I’m lucky enough to spend a week at home. (First time in FIVE YEARS!) 🙂 So for the next few days I’m going to soak up every last moment with the people I’m lucky enough to call mine, and then we will get back to documenting this crazy thing called life.

Merry Christmas!


Jessica Nan


Choosing to follow this dream of being a pastry chef meant a lot of sacrifices, last year I took 36hours of to go home for Christmas. That included travel time. This year, for the first time in five years. FIVE. I will be home for more than a day. I feel like I’ve been giving myself the “4th quarter, 4th quarter” dig a little deeper pep talk since October. And I know I’m finally in the home stretch.

I rallied for Church this morning. Determined to not only be there, but to be there in McGuire girl fashion. Hair curled, eyebrows done, lipstick, and panty hose. Regardless of the exhaustion, I was determined to fight for an hour of peace and time to remember the reason for this season. So I wore my reddest lipstick and tallest heels.

I am so grateful for my religion, and for Jesus Christ. I’m grateful that because of him I get to be with my family for eternity. I know that’s why I have such a deep rooted love for this gospel, its because I get to be with my family forever, and that is a reason to celebrate.

As my Momma says, “You can stand on your head for 48 hours.”

This time and distance is short in the eternal perspective, and don’t you worry. I’ll be home for Christmas.

// “A Hallelujah Christmas” by Cloverton from Ross Wooten on Vimeo.

If you would like to know more about what I believe, click the tab at the top of this page.

Merry Christmas! 

Piemageddon as told by selfies.

 Lillie girl came over to give me a pep talk heading into piemageddon.

Snuck in a workout Monday Morning at 1am
First 20hour jaunt 

 New silk jams for the 2 hour nap.

Hour 19 git-er-dun burrito break 
Hour 24, we did it! 
I slept for 17hours and need a burrito/complete disregard for social acceptability

Hands swelled up and locked on Thanksgiving
I promise I’m coming to Thanksgiving dinner… 
I found my headdress and ate a burrito black friday rally
Testing out Christmas Bedding you have to get off the floor people are watching. 
Up next, Grand Opening, Hogwarts and JT comes home! 

Overgramming and other Qualifying Statements.

Social media can be hard. Knowing what to say, or how you’re going to be perceived. Deciding to post things in the middle of the night, or when you’re tired or angry. So many mutha lovin social cues.

Personally, I would rather you own your hot mess express train. And I certainly don’t care if you’re having a life event that makes you feel an emotion you want to post a thousand pictures of what’s going on around you. In fact, I love it.

I love instagram for that very reason. I can keep up with my busy sisters and their babies, I have a front row seat to my parents juicing projects. (Turns out Collard Greens is a no, no.) I can see my friends fall so blissfully in love with someone, with their passion, with their talent, most importantly themselves. Not in an OMG lolz 400 selfies in the same outfit situation, In a look at that mountain they climbed sorta way.

Don’t project your insecurity by hashtagging something #overgram. Own it. There is no point in anyone complaining about someone else posting too many pictures. Save your breath and unfollow someone instead of complaining about them.

Let’s also talk about opinions on Facebook. You believe in something? Great, tell me about it, pick a stance.  If it’s something I want to see or read, I’ll read it. If you’re obnoxious, I’ll hide you from my feed and we’re still FB friends. I feel like we make too big of a deal about things like this.  It’s like no one went to high school.  9x out of 10 I find it more obnoxious for someone to be all sorts of wishy washy in their social media. I am by no means perfect, but if I’m going to post about being exhausted represented with a Quadricorn Mug (picture of a 4 horned unicorn on the mug) I’m going to stand by my juice.

Post what you want people. I got your back.

unless your Miley Cyrus.

Homegirl needs a bath, church, and someone to explain to her that 1. T. Swizzle already made a song called 22. 23 is so original. #2 I feel like she grafitied the legend of Michael Jordan.

“Yah nasteeeee” -Raven


I talked to my Mom on the phone last night for a really long time. She is a safe place. Giver of pep talks, heart of gold. 

My Mom is like her Mom, who is like her Mom. I come from an incredible line of virtuous women. While I was catching her up on this crazy, exhausting life of mine I paused to say, ” I would so much rather be happy and exhausted than miserable and exhausted.” 
I There is a happy exhaustion that comes from working as hard as you can, and giving the best you have, which I have found lately. There is a second half to this happy I think, being kinder than necessary, and giving compliments easily. I think those are the most beautiful people, the ones who are so confident and secure in who they are, they’re able to build and uplift everyone around them. Those people you want to spend your time with because they make everyone feel better about themselves. Humble, kind, and true. 
This is my new life goal. I want to be that person. The one who compliments easily, and genuinely loves quickly. Always sees the best in people from the beginning. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. This is the woman I want to become. Today in church, the speaker reminded me of this quote. 

“Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.” – Margaret D. Nadauld

Hope on, journey on. 

…but you love crazy!

Jess here.

I’m getting old you guys. I’m thinking rational things like, I bet my body would be happy if I slept more than 4 hours a night. Maybe I should get gas before the light comes on, and you should pack toilet paper in an accessible box when you move.

Things have been stable, blech. I hate the word stable. I have been happy. My life is so good. Even when someone walked out of my life unexpectedly. I chose happy. Work is awesome, I’m working on two new recipes right now, and one is for fall. Fall baking wraps my heart and soul in a yummy cinnamon nutmeg hug, you know the way you feel when the air changes? I get that a little early this year.

I have yet to be “home” on a weekend in a month. This week was exhausting, full of happy, grateful, infertility miracle tears. Family visits, moving, a very convincing pep talk to myself that I could light a pilot light on the water heater, hauling appliances downstairs, picking up the perfect love seat in the ghetto of Utah, style icon awards night with Hil, a sprint through the airport and oh yeah. I’m back in Idaho.

Doing Laundry in the hotel like adults do.

So let’s see here.






I’m determined to get caught up with this blog this week.

but maybe after a power nap.

oh yeah, and we sold a Teepee.


sleepy Jess

who absolutely loves crazy weeks like this. my heart just feels so alive.